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July 2005 - President Bush announced he was nominating Judge
John Roberts to the Supreme Court. Bush said he picked Roberts because
he had "one of the finest legal minds since Matlock." Yesterday,
Bush had breakfast with Roberts. Afterward, Bush said he's never seen
a better- qualified candidate for the Supreme Court, while Roberts said
he's never seen a grown man eat Count Chocula.
July 2005 - In a speech this week, Hillary Clinton compared President
Bush to Mad Magazine's Alfred E. Newman. After hearing this, the President
said, "Finally, a literary reference I understand."
July 2005 - The White House says U.S. President Bush is in no
hurry to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court — which makes sense,
since it took him four weeks to pick his favorite Teletubby.
July 2005 - Earlier today, U.S. President Bush was scheduled
to give the commencement address at the U.S. Naval Academy. Unfortunately,
there was a mix-up and Bush gave a 20-minute speech to the employees
at an Old Navy.
July 2005 - President Bush announced he has decided to plan a
trip to Vietnam. The President said, "It must be a pretty nice
place, I heard John McCain spent five years there."
July 2005 - Despite protests from Conservatives, President Bush
appointed an openly gay man as his assistant secretary of commerce.
Bush claimed a gay man is perfect for the commerce department because,
"Those people love to shop."
President Bush met with the President of South Korea. Things got off
to an awkward start when President Bush asked, 'Are you from the good
Korea or the bad Korea?'
A website is selling talking George W. Bush dolls that speak in the
president's voice when you push a button. Apparently, the doll can mispronounce
over 100 words.
Yesterday, a representative from the Canadian government called President
Bush a moron. Bush was furious and said that's President Moron to you
buddy!"
"Everyone is talking about the election results this week. The
White House is still celebrating. President Bush is particularly happy
since these are the only midterms he's ever done well on
"The New York Times is reporting that the Bush administration
has a post-war plan to turn Iraq into a democracy. If the plan works
it might be tried in Florida
According to USA Today, President Bush is featured in television commercials
for more than a dozen congressional candidates. In fact the Bush commercials
are so effective, he's in line to replace the 'Dude you're getting a
Dell' guy."
The presidential race is heating up. Both John Kerry and Wesley Clark
are campaigning this week with the men that saved both of their lives
in Vietnam. President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took
a math test for him.
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