One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He
immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on
my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here,
so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who
weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to
take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded
pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.
In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in
and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate
in hell. "No, George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good
swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge
hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time
after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,"
The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on
the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in
a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she
does best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea,
I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica,
you're free to go."
George Bushes, father Bush and son Bush, Bush Jr., are on board a small
two seater plane when suddenly George Senior, the pilot, parachutes
out of the plane. Not knowing how to fly a plane, National Guard Service
or not, George, Jr. grabs the radio.
"Mayday, mayday! My Dad just jumped out of the plane!"
Ground control receives the call for help and answers back:
"He left me here! Took the parachute!"
"Sir, your dad?"
"He's the pilot! Gosh!"
"Okay, don't worry, sir. I'll talk you down, just do as I say.
First I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm over six feet and sitting in the front!"